And then 3 became 4

The story of Brantley's birth is far less eventful then Kaiden's. Still beautiful and wonderful, just less dramatic.

You see, after the terrifying ordeal of giving birth to a 9 lb baby with out an epidural, being induced, and having an episotomy, I decided that this time I was absolutely having an epidural. I was not feeling an ounce of pain besides getting an IV and having the epidural placed in my back.
We opted to have me induced again. Jake was working full time and we couldn't afford for him to miss more than one day of work, so we decided to have me induced on a Thursday (my doctor didn't do inductions on Fridays) so Jake could work only the next day and then have the weekend to spend with the new baby before returning to work on Monday.

This also made it easier because our friend base in Utah was limited and our closest family is California, so having an exact plan for a babysitter for Kaiden was much more settling.

So the morning of June 10th my friend came over to stay the day with Kaiden and Jake and I headed to the hospital. We were taken to our suite which was just as nice as the one I delivered Kaiden in. We lived in Provo, but I chose to deliver in Orem for that reason. It was a small, adorable women's center connected to the quaint little Orem Community Hospital

I was given my IV in my forearm, started on low petocin, and told I was third in line for the anesthesiologist to come give me my epidural. They then said they were going to go ahead and break my water because if they didn't do it now, they would have to wait until the afternoon when my doctor could be there again.

I panicked. Last time breaking my water meant  my contractions got intense, and fast. I asked the nurse if there was ANY way we could wait to break my water until after the anesthesiologist could give me the epidural. I gave a quick recap of my first birthing experience and told her I did not want to ever feel another contraction EVER again. I probably stressed that fact 10 different ways, trying to get the point across that this pregnant chick did not want to feel herself give birth to this baby. She sweetly offered to turn down my petocin until the anesthesiologist could come in. I'm pretty embarrassed at how I reacted, I must have sounded like a spoiled princess.

No, NO pain for her royal highness despite the fact she is pushing a human life from her body through a cavity logic dictates it should not fit through! This matterth not, bringeth forth my drugs peasants!!

So the doctor came and broke my water and miraculously as he was finishing up, the anesthesiologist showed up. I swear the needle was as big as my pinky finger. My stomach churned as a momentarily rethought my decision. Then I remembered the pain of labor and pushed aside my fear of needles, squeezed my eyes shut, held onto Jake and the nurse, and braced myself.
I would find out later that the needle I saw was only the needle to administer the local anesthesia and that the actual needle that went into my spine was MUCH bigger. I probably would have passed out if I had seen it before hand.

It was the strangest feeling not being able to feel my legs. I could move them, I just couldn't feel them. Then they got itchy...oh did they itch!! And my scratching did nothing, because I couldn't feel it. The nurse assured me it was just a rare side effect of the epidural, but told me that there was unfortunately nothing she could do.But I didn't let it bother me. If itching was the trade I had to make to not feel any contractions then so be it.

I also was surprised because I started to feel drugged, just a little. If I'm ever given meds I start to ramble. It's ridiculous. I'm there, in my head thinking "No don't say that! Stop! Just stop talking now...seriously? WHY am I still talking? OMG shut up..." buuuut my mouth doesn't seem to get that message and so I say simple things in the weirdest, longest ways possible. When the nurse picked up on this, she sat me up and told me that I needed to stay up so that the medicine from the epidural stayed down beneath where the line was in my back. Apparently it had been going up as well, instead of just down. She left and I looked at Jake and said "Please tell me to shut up next time!" He just smiled like the smart man that he is and saved himself from saying anything which, as we all know ladies, would have been the wrong thing no matter what he said. So the drugged feeling left and I was back to no excuse for the ridiculous things that come out of my mouth.

So then it was a waiting game. And before I knew it the nurse came in to check how dilated I was and said his head was actually right there, and that his shoulders just needed to come past my pelvis. It was time to push! All I could think was "Already?? That was so easy!"

So in came the doctor, up went my legs, and I began to push. Not even ten minutes of pushing brought our sweet little Brantley into the world at 2:22 pm weighing 8lbs 2 oz and 20 inches long.

He had brown hair! I was thrilled because Kaiden is a carbon copy of my husband. Brown hair meant this child had at least one physical attribute that came from me.

They cleaned him up a bit and put him into Jake's arms. I instantly got very jealous. I wanted to hold the baby I had just carried for 9 months. So I said so. And Jake said no! But before you gasp in surprise and disdain, hear out his argument. He was going to have to go home to be with Kaiden that night and then go to work the next day, all the while I would have Brantley to myself. So, he got to keep holding Brantley for a little while longer.

He did eventually share, and I got to meet my beautiful little son. And it was just as amazing as meeting Kaiden. This was our child. We created this precious little life..

Jake came and sat next to me while I held Brantley. I looked up at him and felt more in love with him then I had ever felt up until that moment. The song "Then" by Brad Paisley came to mind. (If you don't know it, you should. And if you don't like country, well...then what kind of an American are you??). This wonderful man had my heart, and in my arms was this beautiful little life we had created together. I was filled with an immeasurable joy. 

The next day we brought Kaiden to meet Brantley before Jake had to go to work.

Kaiden wanted nothing to do with him.

It was a little saddening to not get the adorable picture of your whole family next to you in the hospital bed, but we knew that if Kaiden needed time we should give it to him. He was losing his spot as the baby, and I suppose for some children that's a harder pill to swallow than it is for others. So Jake took Kaiden home and I did get that time with just me and my new baby boy.

And that is the story of when our little family of three became a family of four.

The day 2 became 3

Thursday, September 9th, 2010 I walked into my doctor's office for my 40 week check up. My due date was the next day, and I was already 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced. 

My doctor looked at me and said "You're still pregnant? We'll schedule you for an induction tomorrow morning."

This being my first baby and not really knowing much about all of this, I complied. I don't resent my doctor for his decision, although looking back I think it may have come from me being so close to going into active labor and he not wanting to deliver over the weekend. 

However, knowing when I was going to have this baby was actually a relief. We lived 30 minutes from the hospital and having never given birth, it was kind of nice to have a plan of action. So he called the hospital and scheduled me for an induction the very next morning at 7 am. I remember leaving the appointment and calling Jake to say "Hey guess what, we're having a baby tomorrow!"

That night we sat and talked about the next day. We were excited, but there was also a sadness. This was, essentially, the death of our time together as just the two of us. We would not get time like this together for a minimum of 18-20 years assuming we only had one child. I wasn't ready to give it up, although I had no choice. The thought of being a mother also terrified me. All of those factors mixed with pregnancy hormones had me crying at dinner and left Jake to try to comfort his crazy wife.

By the next morning, those fears were replaced with excitement and anticipation. This was the day we were going to meet our sweet little boy! We drove to the hospital in a giddy state of nervousness. We checked in and taken to the room. The hospital we delivered at had very nice suites for delivery and you stayed in them through recovery. It felt very peaceful and relaxing.

They stuck the IV in my wrist and asked me if I wanted an epidural. I said "no" and that I wanted to deliver without any drugs. The nurse then looked compassionately concerned and told me to just let her know if I changed my mind as she started my petocin. 

She knew what I didn't know:  that although an induced childbirth was faster, it was far more painful then if your body did things on it's own.

I was about to learn that.

I remember feeling my first contraction. I held my stomach and said aloud "Oh wow, so that's a contraction!" It didn't hurt, it just felt like my entire stomach tensed up. 

Then the next one came only two short minutes later.

And that DID hurt.

"Oh...OH! This hurts!!"

Jake and my mom held my hands and told me to breathe through it.

The contractions came every two minutes, hard and painful for the next hour. Then they came every minute. Then they started to couple together, which means I didn't get that 30 seconds to a minute between two of them. I was breathing in the only Lamaze technique I had taken the time to learn, and it managed to help me through my contractions but I was in the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. 

My sweet nurse asked me if I wanted Stadol (sp?) and I said yes. It made me fall into a light sleep, although I could still feel the pain of the contractions, just not as strong.

I had those horribly painful contractions for 4 hours before I was dilated enough to push. When they told me I was at 10 cm, I was so excited. My body had been telling me for 30 minutes that it was time to push. 

So, then began the pushing. 

I pushed and pushed and pushed for over an hour. I guess Kaiden was content where he was, because he didn't seem to want to come out.
My doctor showed up as Kaiden was crowning. He then took over and made the decision that I needed an episiotomy. I saw him giving the shots of general anesthesia and wondered what he was doing. Jake would later tell me that watching him make the incision would be the most disgusting thing he has ever witnessed.

Even with that episiotomy, Kaiden's head was so big he still needed to be vacuumed out.

And then, at 3:45pm our sweet little Kaiden was born weighing 9 lbs 6 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long. 

He was beautiful, and I fell instantly in love.

I, however was not beautiful. Sure, it's typical for women to look sweaty and tired and have disheveled hair after giving birth...but I looked like a raccoon. You see, I don't like to go anywhere without makeup on. This philosophy would become more laid back with two children, but at the time, I felt I had to wear eyeliner and mascara to go to a hospital full of doctors and nurses who have seen far worse than my face with out makeup. After all, that is the only proper way to welcome a child into the world. NO ONE told me or thought to wipe my eyes when my make up was running. Yeah, better believe Jake is STILL in trouble for that one.

But I have a confession, as they were cleaning him off, I just kept thinking about food. I was STARVING. All of the work to push that kid out and the last thing I had eaten were french toast sticks from Burger King at 6:30 that morning. Jake had cheesecake left over from the lunch they brought him, and I demanded it be put into my hands. I'm pretty sure it only took me 10 seconds to eat it.  I had finished by the time they were done and my new little angel was placed into my arms.

I remember feeling complete awe. This little baby was mine. I was a mom and Jake was a dad. Two kids who had a kid. I snuggled my nose against his soft little cheek and silently promised him we would always do whatever we could to take care of him and make him happy.

And that is how our little Kaiden Marshall came into the world.

Our Beginning

Jake and I usually try to avoid telling the story of how our crazy, wonderful life began.

We're no longer ashamed, however the judgement is something we are over dealing with because we dealt with enough of it in the beginning. So it's easier just to skip the major details and say "we met, we got married, had two kids, and here we are!"

And that's true, however some pretty important components are missing that really give a greater insight to who we are and why we are the way we are.

Jake and I met when I was 17 and he was 16 (I know, I'm robbing the cradle). We were actually on dates with other people. A guy at school had asked me on a date and I begged my friend to come with us and bring a date herself because I didn't know much about this guy and dates like that can be awkward.
She brought Jake, and it turns out we liked each other more than we did our dates. So we became friends who occasionally talked, but he was so attractive I thought he was way out of my league and wasn't interested. Until he asked me to prom.

(Weren't we adorable?)

Then we started dating. Our second date was to see the Pixar movie "Up" We fell hard and fast that summer. I would work, spend the rest of the day at his house, then we would pretend I left and he would go to bed and I would drive down to the bottom of his property and he would sneak out and we would spend the night in a clearing until just before dawn when he would sneak back in and I would go home and go to work. That's how we spent the summer until I moved away for school. Then we would talk every night until I fell asleep on the phone as he sang to me. I eventually dropped out due to monetary issues, and moved back. Then we were inseparable again. I got my old job back and our days continued as they did in the summer, except this time we spent the nights in my car to keep from freezing.
We were crazy about each other and nothing else mattered.
And that's when we got ourselves into trouble that would change our lives.

Our physical relationship escalated and I became pregnant. He was 17 and I was 18.
It was terrifying. I remember driving to his house the night I found out. 5 different pregnancy tests were sitting on the passenger seat next to me, judging me the whole 30 minute drive. I replayed all the different ways I contemplated telling him. I wondered how he would react.
Would he leave me?
Would he want us to put the baby up for adoption?
Should we put the baby up for adoption?
Could we handle being parents?
How would we take care of a baby?
Questions spun around in my brain like they were being tossed into a blender.
He snuck out and met me in my car, and I told him. I don't even remember how I said it. We sat there in silence. He then showed me his true character.
He didn't freak out, he didn't call me a whore and say it wasn't his, he didn't tell me to get an abortion, or tell me we were over and that it was my problem like I have heard happen to so many others.
He told me he loved me, and that everything was going to be okay, that we were in this together, and we would figure out the right decision. Relief doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.

So then we told our parents. Of course, they wanted to know what we planned on doing now.

We knew we loved each other, and that eventually we wanted to get married. And we couldn't stand the thought of adopting out this baby and then eventually starting a family together, knowing our first child wasn't with us simply because we were too selfish to change our lives to take care of it earlier than we had planned.

So we decided to get married. 3 days after Jake turned 18 and three months after we found out I was pregnant, Jake proposed to me with a scavenger hunt of clues leading me to him waiting in my room with a bouquet of my favorite roses.He played the guitar and sang me a song he wrote himself and then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It obviously wasn't a surprise, but the gesture was beautiful and I loved it.

2 months later, on May 22nd, 2010 Jake and I were married in the rain on his parents farm. It was a beautiful little wedding, with family and close friends to witness the beginning of the rest of our lives together as one.

We would spend the next year and a half living in his parent's basement while he went to the local community college working on his associate's degree. During that time, our son Kaiden would be born and we would begin our adventure as parents.

And that is the story of  how my own domestic life began.