The Binkey Fairy Came to Our House

So my three and half year old still used his binkey until this weekend.

I felt like we were never going to able to take it away from him...he has sensory issues and he absolutely would refuse to fall asleep with out it. He just couldn't get to a calm enough place with out one. It was causing a gap between his top and bottom front teeth. Not to mention, we could barely keep tabs on one and it was so incredibly frustrating to play "where is that dang binkey?!" every night at bedtime.

With in the last year we had gotten him down to only using it at night, but he refused to give it up then. Trying to get him to sleep with out it was met with wailing and tears, and when your two boys share a room, you do whatever you have to to keep your children quiet so the other can sleep.
It seemed hopeless.

I had read about using "the Binkey Fairy" but I worried that due to Kaiden's language delay, he wouldn't be able to understand the concept.

Then I saw that there were books about the Binkey Fairy, and since Kaiden is very visual, I figured that might help. But I didn't want to buy him a book, and I wanted the child in the book to look like Kaiden so he could relate to it.

So I made my own book.

I made the little boy in the book look like Kaiden and had four simple pages which in a way as simply as possible that if he put his binkies in a basket on the porch, the Binkey Fairy would come and take them to new babies and leave him a present.When we got to the point in the story where Kaiden puts the binkies in the basket, we got the basket, found his binkies, and he put them in all on his own. He didn't want to at first, but we showed him the page where the binkey fairy leaves a present and put them in. Then my husband Jake got Kaiden all hyped up and took Kaiden to put them on the balcony.

Now, we were originally going to have him go to bed and wake up to a present. But as I helping Kaiden with his nightly bathroom routine, I realized Kaiden might sleep better if he immediately saw that the Binkey Fairy came and he had his present to replace the Binkey that night.So Jake quickly switched out the binkies for his present while we were still in the bathroom and gave me the okay to tell Kaiden the Binkey Fairy had come. Kaiden ran to the back door and looked through the glass. Upon seeing the blue bag with colorful tissue paper, he exclaimed "whas dat?!"

 

We let him out the door and he ran right to his present, of course. Jake helped him read the note the Binkey Fairy left, and then he got to open his present right there on the porch.

Now every time we go to Target, Kaiden goes to the children's bedding section and grabs a stuffed octopus pirate that matches a bed set they have. He LOVES anything that lives underwater, but particularly the octopus and whale. Target didn't have any stuffed whales, so I knew the octopus would be perfect and Jake agreed. It was one of his favorite animals, he already loved that toy and it would be perfect for cuddling at bedtime to replace his Binkey.

 

He LOVED it. He kept hugging it and saying "awwww." My brother-in-law was visiting and ran over to him and showed him his new octopus very excitedly. He was one happy little boy.

When it came time to go to bed, we decided letting him fall asleep in our bed, which he calls "boo bed" (big bed), might be best considering it would be his first night with out his binkey.
He instinctively asked for his binkey when we gave him his blankey, but I got his little book out and showed him the pages and reminded him again that he had given it to the binkey fairy and that's when she had given him the octopus. He understood because then he turned to go to bed with out any fuss. However, it turns out, I wasn't invited. He said " 'mon dahee! bye mommy!" (Come on Daddy) took Jake's hand, waved to me and led him into our room. I had to go ask for my hug and kiss from my now-too-big-to-give-mommy-kisses-goodnight-because-he-doesn't-need-a-binkey-boy. But I felt nothing but pride as I watched him walk into our room and get right into bed with out a melt down for his binkey.

I was later told that while they were there in bed, Kaiden kept hugging his octopus and saying "I ya you red ocopus" (I love you).

I later came in and snuggled with everyone, and where my husband was asleep...Kaiden was not. Jake woke up to me getting into bed, and I gently reminded Kaiden it was bedtime and he needed to go to sleep.

He turned onto his back, held his octopus in the air and said the cutest thing I've ever heard him say.

"dake you beekey fah ee"    Thank you Binkey Fairy.

Each word was slow with a pause between because longer phrases are difficult for him to get out of his sweet little mouth.

Then he hugged his octopus, rolled over, closed his eyes, and sighed.

He did not go to sleep unfortunately, so later we took him to his bed and there was a little bit of resistance, but it was mostly to the idea of going to bed. He asked for his binkey one more time, and we gently reminded him what happened once more, and once again that was that.

He went to sleep with out his binkey, snuggled up to his octopus.

I was the proudest mommy alive.

Are the Terrible Twos REALLY so Terrible?

A friend of mine posted a wondeful status on her facebook about the wonderful morning she had with her three year old and how happy and proud it made her. Someone then commented on that and told her to enjoy it now because the "terrible teens" would be there before she knew it.

Back up just a minute...terrible teens?
I always thought it was called the terrible twos.

_

But how many times do we hear that being extended now to the "terrible threes"
"fearsome fours"
"sour sixes"
And now
"terrible teens"

(I've heard all of these, I'm sure you've heard more)

Why are we labeling each stage of our child's development so negatively?

I have a three year old. He threw tantrums at one, and at two, and does still now. Does that make this a terrible time??

No! This is a BEAUTIFUL time!

My son is learning to speak in sentences and sings me the alphabet and sings and dances to all of the songs in Frozen.
He excitedly helps me make pancakes, he constantly asks for hugs and follows them with an adorable "ahhhh" once he's in my arms. He snuggles and softly strokes my arm or face. He tells me he loves me and says "scuze-ski" when he burps. He jumps up and down and yells "daaaheee!" when my husband walks through the door and rushes into his arms.

There is so much that is beautiful in who he is and what he does, how is it fair to him to label any part of his life as terrible because he doesn't want to put his shoes on and throws a fit?

How will it be fair to call him a terrible teenager because he rolls his eyes or misses curfew or talks back to me?

If we label a whole year or group of years of our children's lives in our minds as terrible, before or after it happens, then that is exactly what it's going to be and that is how we will remember it.

Just some food for thought...was the whole second year of your child's life really terrible?

Everyone is somebody's baby...

I had an interesting experience a few weeks ago; one I don't think I could have had if I wasn't a mother.

My husband and I were in the car and we were complaining about someone who had irritated us.

A little background though: I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and in our church we have a program called "home teaching." A man is assigned a teaching companion and they are in turn assigned a few families to "home teach" once a month. They aren't just teachers, they are friends and servants. The purpose is to create an intricate supports system so that the needs of members can be met, be that a meal, fixing a roof, or simply friendship. There is also visiting teaching where women are assigned a companion and a list of a few women to accomplish a similar goal of fellowship, love, and service.

Time is a very valuable commodity in our house hold. My husband is a full time student and holds a full time job so most of his spare time is taken up by homework. What little time we have together is precious. We had agreed for our home teachers to come visit us ever second Sunday of the month. Since we didn't set a time except for "after church", we figured they would let us know, or call and ask to set one.

The first month, they set a time, and came.
The second month, no one called, no one came. That can be very annoying when you spend your Sunday wondering if they're just going to show up.
 The third month, the first Sunday of the week, we aren't expecting anyone. It's before church, I still look like I just crawled out from UNDER a bed and there is a knock on the door.
There is one of our home teachers, by himself, Sunday best, Ensign in hand (a magazine put out by the church that has the home teaching message in it every month)
 He is immediately caught of guard that I answered, and asked if Jake was home. I was instantly annoyed, because the fact he was dressed up with an ensign and asked for Jake meant he wanted to home teach us. Right then. He couldn't come in if Jake wasn't home, it wasn't appropriate.
I said "yes." and stood there. There was no way I was dressed to entertain, nor was my house in a state for company.
 He begins to stammer after realizing I wasn't going to get Jake and makes up a story about wanting to know if before church would be a good time for home teaching. I said no. Then I reminded him he was supposed to come next week and asked if he had our number, indicating I would prefer he call us if his true intentions were simply clarifying details.
He said that he did, but that he was already out to see someone and thought he would drop by.

He had done this to us once before, showing up unannounced to try to home teach us with out his companion, only to have us" reschedule" him for the time he was supposed to come. That was the month they didn't even show up.

So after I told him, next week after church was good, he leaves. That next Sunday no one called and no one came.

So back to the car, Jake and I were complaining about this man's lack of manners. We were both so annoyed by his random visits expecting to come in and then lack of follow through. In the middle of one of Jake's sentences I was hit with a huge wave of humility and compassion.

I thought about Kaiden, my three year old son with a severe speech delay and Aspergers. I imagined him as an adult. Although he actually doesn't have problems being social like most children with Aspergers do, he doesn't know how to be appropriately social. Which yes, some of that is his age.

I wondered if this man had some high functioning spectrum disorder, or a social delay, or any number of things that could cause him to act so impulsively. He had good intentions, just not so good consideration of others and their lives.

I thought again of Kaiden. If he is that way as an adult, I sincerely hope that whoever is on the receiving end of his well intentioned lack of manners would be understanding and compassionate whether they knew his situation or not.

And I knew the mother of this man hoped the same thing for her son.

This man is someone's baby boy all grown up, loved by a mother the way I love my boys.

I look around now when I'm out. When I see or come in contact with someone that may annoy or anger me, I try to remember that that person is someone's child. someone loves them the way I love my children. Its then I try to draw on that, look at them in a different light, and try to feel a love for them inspired by the love I have learned as a mother.

Sometimes that person wasn't loved by a mother or father the way they should have been and deserved to be as a child. Sometimes that is the reason why they can be rude to others for no reason. And those are the ones who deserve the most compassion and understanding.

However, looking around you in the grocery store, it's impossible to know who that is. And that's why everyone deserves your love. Everyone was once as innocent and sweet and easy to love as that child in your arms or the ones you see everyday in someone else's.

Everyone is somebody's baby.